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India was…Exhausting and funny. I had 4 days of tummy trouble there and another 4 days of something called a stomach migraine when I came back to Brunei. The trip was something out of ‘lonely planet’, on the travel channel, I tell you.

Haven’t had much of a real rest, was playing catch up with friends…And of course, trying to get used to the total eclipse of my heart. Things have been changing so fast, the more I feel like I need silence and alone time, the more it scares me. I don’t need it.

I don’t need silence anymore. Silence is deafening. I’m not comfortable with silence, because silence is not quiet. You will be drowned by the quiet of your thoughts in your own silence.

In India, I gave meditation a try. I followed the instructions very clearly, but I think I’m just no good at letting my soul drift for relaxation. I struggled to acquire true silence and relaxation; I get bored and I start to peek to check on the others. Yes, I am very distracted. In the silence of my heart, there is always a battle poised to begin. Oh well.

All the thoughts of me wanting to slow down, has not happened yet. I am too busy partying, recovering, and catching up with my abandoned workload and whatever. Anyhow, I am enjoying my days a lot better now than before. It’s great to welcome a new set of crowd into my life again. It’s like watching a series of still frames, somehow animated and I shall be the grateful audience.

I realize, with all the drama I had to face, that phrase of my life was like an album of photographs for everyone to see. I did try to reach out to break the mould of what I became. I thought I was trapped in there forever but then again, in the midst of my rollercoaster ride, its not that none of you didn’t try to inspect my image at a given moment. I did not fade; when I thought I felt jaded. But, dear readers, I might feel great. But on the whole, I am that rarity, still an oxymoron. I am self aware.

Its too late to apologize

I've been having so much free time, I slept too much and now I have a stiff neck. I'm uploading tonnes of pictures on my multiply this weekend, but you don't get to see it if you're not my friend.

I'm off to India on Sunday. Not kidding. Some sort of training I have to undergo before enhanching my new title as,... I don't really remember.

I promise a good read once my stiff neck recovers. It has been AGES. I've been talking rubbish.

Sometimes love is not enough

So i've been trying to pack my things since 10.00pm here, and its already 3.20am. Its great that i'm not sleepy at all, atleast I go home a little less jet-lagged, 87% confused body clock and no working watch to keep me wondering on the airplane.

One suitcase is as heavy as a pregnant goat with twins, let alone the bigger one. I spent 20 freggin minutes taking out perfumes, lotions and other sorts of rubbish I bought out of their packaging. So I have one pregnant goat with one baby only, and an overweight moose with horns to pass through check-in with fingers and toes crossed hoping that I get pass excess baggage. I already know what to leave if I get charged for excess baggage. These stupid little stones I bought from the mountains, i'd sell them for 25cents each by the airport check-in counter. Thats what i'm gonna do. I'll sell all the free gifts I got from Clarins too; if I really have to.

Gosh, its another 2 travelling days for me again. I'm getting sick of waking up half-deaf because you fall asleep with the headphones on, and you look at the time; how now brown cow, another 9 hours. Anyhow. I can't wait to be back home, say hello to my fishes in the tank and the smelly cat, kids at home and my oh my bed. And unpack. And get some astro and indon tv.

I'll continue packing in the morning. After all, my flight is at 6pm. Sweet, sweet time.

Good morning Canadians. Good night Bruneians.

Who am I to say

Now you're a song I love to sing.

Mountain girl

Time alone is fantastic, but does it count when your phone goes off every few minutes? Managed to clear my head, made a mental note on a few things to look forward to and a few things to get rid off when I come back home.

I took a taxi home the other day;

(Pakistani taxi driver)
Driver: Ma'am you don't look like you coming from Canada; are you from chinese?
Me: Ah... No i'm not from chinese at all
Driver: Oh yes I kindly figured, your nose too strong to be from a chinese born.
Me: My nose is special
Driver: So your country where you are from, everyone have nose like you and look pretty and tall?
Me: I said my nose is special, nobody has it. People are alot smaller than me in my country.
Driver: Where are you from?
Me: Brunei.
Driver: Borneo country island? Very rich, good life there, big castle yes.
Me: Borneo island, yes life is great.
Driver: So I heard King is friendly with the public?
Me: Yea, were best friends.
Driver: WOW you must be rich! Really your friend?
Me: Nope.
Driver: So you have mixed blood? Impossible to say you are pure brunai, too white.
Me: Yes
Driver: Mix with...?
Me: Beef rendang and enlish muffins and tandoori chiken.
Driver: (HAHAHAHA) Okay ma'am, almost at your street. I stop the meter here so I can give you good discount.
Me: Okay, how much does it say on the meter?
Driver: $14
Me: Thats exactly what I pay every taxi ride here you silly.
Driver: Ok I give you $10 because you are funny
Me: You bet!

I'm going up to Banff (Mountain, somewhere in Alberta) in a few hours, staying at a 5-star hotel for two nights with my cousin and nephews. I actually can't wait go home, I leave on Sunday; I reach on Tuesday. I have so much to look forward to, especially that someone who made everything worth the fight. Its been a few months of crazy war, but things do fall into place at the right time.

I need to pack my winter coat. And feed the cat.

Damai.

Two tuesdays

This is my second tuesday. I have spent 2 days travelling and I am exhausted!

I spent a few hours in Hong Kong, I wasn't tired yet though. They threw away my travel toiletries and I was furious. Oh well. I had a sleepless 13 hour flight to Vancouver, sat next to a little old chinese lady who speaks absolutely no english- funny how I understood whatever she said to me.

I cried a little bit on the plane, on my way to Vancouver. Watched this Korean love story, twice. The airplane view of Vancouver is absolutely gorgeous, mountains with snow on its peak.

Vancouver is a lot like Melbourne, I spent the whole day in the city and did a little bit (ALOT) of shopping at Richmond Centre. I packed some clothes to change in my hand carry, but I am wearing new clothes from top to toe. My carry is at least 5kg heavier.

I've another hour and a half before I leave for Calgary. My eyes are bloodshot, my cheeks and lips are hot and red. My Easi credit is running out too.

Its 10.00am Brunei time and 7.00pm Canada time. I'll be off to make a few phonecalls and fall asleep on the waiting chairs here.

I forgave you a million times over when you said no word of apology. When you finally said it to me, I start to remember things I don't want to remember. When I run away from you, you do all that you can to make me stay. Make me change my mind, because I am a few hours away to where I want to be. Be good to me, just be good to me. You are a big decision. Promise me things worth while. I ran because you took things a little too far.

Star Bucks first. Be good everyone. Sleep tight.

Calgary, muffins and Didi's pretty heels.

Its travel time for me and my friends eh. But I’m off for a different cause. Half of my friends are off to KL for 6 days of club hopping. Another half is off to Bangkok to chase after transvestites and weird looking animals on dancing poles.

I am off to Calgary, Canada for quite some time…for cowboys and mountains. On my own. I leave on the 19th from Hong Kong…and then Vancouver… and then I’m in Calgary. Sometimes I can’t wait to leave but sometimes I don’t want to be away for too long. Either way, when my friends are back in Brunei, I’ll still be away; a little longer.

If I don’t run off with a cowboy, I’m probably going to be miserable and I’ll be blogging about a lot of things. Time alone, would be a blessing for me right now.



Happy 21st birthday to my soul sister Lina, on the right. Left is my younger sister Lydia. I texted her a long happy birthday message in the middle of the night but she called me in the morning crying, because she never got the message and she thought I had forgotten. She's not coming back for her holidays next month. But thats okay, I can only take small doses of her. I love you, you crazy woman with big hair and short legs with chocolate smelling fingers.



Happy 21st birthday to my cold sausage fingers Aimi, too. She's off to New York next week. But i'll have her back in Brunei by July.

Both of them are throwing a huge birthday bash in Melbourne tonight. I so much wish I was there. They will call me every hour after another though ;)

Not to worry, I'll be celebrating their birthday here too, tonight. Right, Didi? Hehe.

I just stuffed two big ass banana muffins and I have futsal training in 20 mins at Harun gym with our so handal Dragonfly girls. I sure feel like I can taste the muffins when I go on a burp fest later after some 100plus.

I'm off to pick up my second husband, Princess Didi, and check out her new turquios heels with sparkly diamonds on it.

Damai~